I had been searching for a quote I had once heard about children of alcoholics when I came to the above quote. It’s from the Adult Children of Alcoholics website. I don’t know if I qualify since my dad stopped drinking at a very early age, but some of the stuff hit home. Then again, the writing feels very vague, like I’m reading a horoscope. I’m guessing it applies to more people that ACoA’s.
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LOL! That’s fantastic.
Ryan, is that me? Did I say that to you? If so, that’s kind of strange, since I also grew up in an alcoholic family.
Yeah, that is you. You had said something at MIX about how I worry too much about what people think of me (after I was fretting over my little outburst about slow morning sales). I thought it was kind of funny that it happened a day after I read that quote.
Like I said before, I don’t know if I qualify as being brought up in an alcoholic family. At about age six, our family became the anti-alcoholic family. So once again I’m in this weird in-between space where the labels don’t seem to apply.
Okay, that sounds familiar.
Y’know, there isn’t such a thing as “qualifying” on being an alcoholic family. I was 14 when my dad stopped drinking, my brother was ten, and my sister was six, and it affected our family quite a bit. Labels really don’t apply here, if your dad’s alcoholism affected you and your family, then it affected you and your family.
Sure, there may not be any books or websites on the subject that are directed specifically towards you and what your role was/is in the family, but those books are broad generalizations. I was told to read a whole bunch of literature when my dad was going through treatment and I thought it was all trite. Nobody can be pinned down to a particluar role in the family or having certain characteristics because of alcoholism. That is just hocky-pock.
Also, one cannot look to the past and say “what if.” This is in response to losing ones identity because of alcoholism. You develop your identity each and every day through your life experiences, whether it be an alcoholic family, a car crash, or finding the love of your life. You are who you are today because of those life experiences.
I agree with you on the literature being broad generalizations. I wasn’t given anything to read at the time because I was six and could barely read. But reading it as an adult, it does seem vague.
I don’t think I’ve looked at the past and said “what if” much (at least not about this subject). I was so young when when things changed that I kind of rolled with it. Just about everything seems normal when you’re six. I didn’t really think about it much until my preteens, when I started realized that not every family was the same.
It’s something that really shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but somehow it is.
Oh, I wasn’t trying to say that you’ve looked in the past and said “what if.” I’m sorry it came off that way. I was trying to imply that these types of books and websites claim that we lose our identities because of these types of incidents, when in fact our identities are shaped by them.
Yeah, I agree with you there. I didn’t have any issues with lost identity. Then again, I was six. My identity revolved around action figures and cartoons.
I had a different experience. After my Dad left, my Mother went on a series of dates with men she had met at a local bar. I met a couple of them and they seemed okay-until she started dating this guy named Jim. He liked his beer aftera long day pouring concrete. And he went from being a happy drunk to a mean drunk pretty quick. I couldn’t understand at the time why she would choose to be with this guy. She married him. He had his own kids and he didn’t like me because I looked down on his alchoholism. There was some abuse. He eventually pushed me out of my own house. I didn’t lose my identity, it actually gave me a stronger resolve to make something of myself. It took a long time but I did it.
That really, really, really sucks. It’s great that it made you stronger, but it still sucks.